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10月6日 Life in the Fast LaneHere I am, sitting in a cubicle in Sony Pictures, typing away on the company laptop. Looking out, it's the grand Columbia and Tristar studio lot. Some crew is probably shooting a movie at this very moment. Glass walls, tourist wearing visitor passes, cases after cases of beautifully packaged Fiji Water that come in two different sizes. All this glamour. Warner Brother had the same things, or even grander. Numerous lots connected together, taking up half of Burbank city. There were even police sitting on motorcycles, watching speed. People even got speeding tickets before, I heard. Gate 1-9, or even more; I never counted. "George Clooney has an office in our building, you know?" said the Assistant, her eyes beaming, "It's just that...I've yet to see him in real person..." All these splendid fantasies about stardom. NBC's network seemed a lot more compact. Three storey building, much different from the gigantic one next to Universal Studio. Lights were dimly lit--an effort to make the fast-paced workplace look cozier. People usually brought their lunch. Lean Cuisine and all those kinda stuff--It's the show business. You ought to stay fit.
I've always wanted to do this without asking myself why. Is it the glamour? But I've never wanted to be in front of the screen. Is it for money? The average salaries of entry level positions haven't even reached 30K. Or is it really for the closeness to Hollywood like a blind faith, and the imagination of being away from reality and closer to the fantasies of the stories in movies? Thought one could shine behind the silver screen like a rock & roll-er in front of it? All of a sudden I start feeling embarrassed. What for? Working for free, driving an hour each way and forever parked on the lowerest level of the underground parking, drifting past like dust with nobody noticing, knowing every building in Burbank, Culver City and Century City on the back of my hand through the many interviews for internships, competing ruthlessly for the open position that most frequently doesn't even exist...It sure is a good looking resume. But what else? Do I really love this indutry or do I just like to watch movies? Do I really know what I want to do? Am I really sure I want to stay? Every time I come here, I feel suffocated. Must be the glamor and splendor. Must be it. This is Hollywood! Everybody wants to come to Hollywood. So if you don't want to do this, f*** off. Someone else will die to work here...
Graduation date is in two months, and I am here, sitting in a cubicle in Sony Pictures, typing away on the company laptop. I see the girl on my left doing PowerPoint slides everyday--a temp(temps and interns wear red badges and the REAL ones blue)--her job is to make the slides look pretty; the girl on my right is busy faxing and filling orders for the FedEx people to pick up later. I see people flying past me like flying ants and I want to help China open up its entertainment industry. Almost sounds like "I want to be the president". "Oh, so, your major's marketing and you are an International student? Which means we have to sponsor you to get a work permit?...I see. Why don't I call you back after I further discuss the feasibilities with my supervisor first." "But if you want to work as an intern, that's no prob. You seem to be a good candicate. Oh by the way, our internships are school-credit only, which means you are not getting paid."
I am taking 5 classes and working 2 full days. Forever searching for jobs, sometimes interviews. Always plast a smile on my face when I am not in my little apartment room. Love life is a mess. A lot of the friends turn out to be craps. Mom wants me back to China finally. It feels very much like spinning in the fast lane. Disoriented. Nervous. Confused. Is this an accident? Or just some self-inflicted pain? 评论 (13)
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